Last night I went to visitation at our church, and then right after that was the Ladies Bible Study. I have to admit, I’m really bad about going to these. Visitation is every Tuesday night, but I usually end up working late on Tuesdays so I miss it. The Bible Study is every other Tuesday, and I tend to lose track of what weeks it is on, so I forget to go. Well, apparently God wanted me there last night. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt God slap me in the face like He did yesterday.
Lately, I’ve been in a funk. Just a bunch of negative thoughts filling my head constantly. Things about money (or lack of), the house, my car, things I wish I had, things I wish I didn’t have to do…the list could go on. Well, all it took was that slap in the face for me to realize that I need to stop being a big baby. Seriously, I’m in a room full of women. Women who have lost their husbands, women whose husbands have left them, women who have a child in prison with a drug addiction, women with multiple health issues. I learned about a women who had to take her 4 kids and leave her husband because he beat her, and another women who is in a coma and may not survive leaving behind a 6 year old child...and here I am feeling sorry for myself because I don’t have a nicer house, or a newer car, or more clothes.
I need to get over it. Thank God I have a house to sleep in at night, a car that gets me wherever I need to go, and enough clothes that I don’t have to wear the same thing twice in a week. I have a husband that loves me and never ceases to show it. I am in good health and so is Chase.
The study we did last night had nothing to do with what I got out of it. I really couldn’t concentrate on the lesson because my mind was racing with thoughts like “How could I have been so selfish?” or “Why can’t I just be grateful for what I have?”
I’m just glad I have such a gracious Savior. One who will forgive me for being so selfish and help me to move forward with a better and clearer outlook.